forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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