ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
