I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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