Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
