DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
