smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
