the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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