i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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