i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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