you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
