I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
