Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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