I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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