I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
