new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
