Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
