We won't sleep together?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
