I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
