Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
