Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
