I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
