If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
