I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
