my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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