somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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