She is in my trunk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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