I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
