Betty ford says i'm here all night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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