every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
