You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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