he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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