he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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