you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
