She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
