If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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