I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
