I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
