We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think i got beer on your cat.
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