Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
