God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
