If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
