I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
