I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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