I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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