I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
