3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
