I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
