I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize