Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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