I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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