Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
