I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
sex in a hospital.. check
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
