I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
