My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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