Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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