Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
