So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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