You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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