Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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