Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im holly from the hills drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
