Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
