The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Randomize
