I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
