turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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