I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize