you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
