remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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