No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
