3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Life is so much better after having sex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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