We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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