I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize