dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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