girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize