just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
