Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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